I had a kindergarten class yesterday for a couple hours. It made me really appreciate those warriors on the front lines who teach these kids full time. Sometimes, they're accidentally hilarious. Like this guy, who I'll call A*:
A: What's your name?
Me: Mr. Jefferson
A: Are you married?
Me: No.
A: Then why are you "Mister"?
Me: Ugh....
This same kid also commented on the softness of the back of his teacher's hand, which I thought was kinda strange:
A: Ms. Teacher's hand is soft. Like a feather.
Me: O... kay?
A: Or chicken.
Me: Um, what?!
But for all the unintentionally funny things they say and do, there are the kids who just don't understand when I say, "Face forward," "Hands to yourself," "Please sit down on the rug," "Absolutely no talking," "Don't pick your nose," etc. And I'm of course saying each of these roughly a bajillion times, and mostly to the same 4 kids. This class had a couple special cases.
Like Isaac. I don't know his story, but the aide seemed to let him do his own thing while the rest of the class was practicing the letter M, so I let it be. Well, Isaac came back to his seat right when it was about time to go to Spanish. I told the class that it was time to go. This kid burst into tears because he didn't have time to finish. I mean, he was bawling. I wanted to bring up that he was playing for the past half hour, but I had to wrangle up the others who didn't understand that we were done.
But the one who really takes the cake is Nate. Nate was one of those kids who couldn't sit still if his life depended on it. I threatened to send him to the office if he didn't move his patootie to the rug (I of course didn't use such language). He was running/crawling around the room all the time. It was when I picked them up from music that I had had enough. He pushed another kid out of the line. So I said, "Okay, Nate, I'm taking you to the office." He ran around the music room until I and the music teacher (who was also a sub that day) cornered him. Then I had to carry him to the office. Let me repeat that. I had to carry a 5-year-old, who had kicked his shoes off and continued to kick while I carried him, through the hallway, with his class and other classes watching, to the office. When we got to the office, the principal said that I'd done a good job because they expected him an hour earlier. That's good, I guess?
Needless to say, I was relieved when these kids left the classroom I borrowed to go terrorize their homes.
Class dismissed!
*All names have been changed to protect the identities of these weirdos.
Showing posts with label kindergarten. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kindergarten. Show all posts
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Kids say the racistest things! (S1E2)
I thought about just adding this on to the previous post, since no one would notice because no one reads this blog (yet), but this deserves its own post. (Plus I can turn "Kids say the racistest things!" into a series)
I was walking through the halls after having dropped my 6th grade class off at the computer lab. This would be a good time to pick up some food, since I packed my lunch and left it in the fridge at home (for the second day in a row, 'cause I'm awesome). As I was walking to my car, I hear a tiny voice behind me. I didn't know this kid. I still don't. We didn't really converse. Our paths crossed and probably won't ever again. And so, it will be written in the history books that only three words were exchanged between me and this child:
"Whoa! You refer to me by my race, and then wave at me, like I'm supposed to wave back?!" I mean, yeah, I am black, but you don't call people by their skin color. So what did I do? In a strange mixture of defiance and bewilderment, I refused to wave back. That'll show him! I bet he'll remember that the next time he wants to call someone "black man" instead of "sir."
Ok, so I didn't use it as a moment to defy the blatant racism or to (God forbid) teach this kid that that's not how you acknowledge people, but I was in such a state of shock that he so innocently called a (black) spade a (black) spade.
Class dismissed!
I was walking through the halls after having dropped my 6th grade class off at the computer lab. This would be a good time to pick up some food, since I packed my lunch and left it in the fridge at home (for the second day in a row, 'cause I'm awesome). As I was walking to my car, I hear a tiny voice behind me. I didn't know this kid. I still don't. We didn't really converse. Our paths crossed and probably won't ever again. And so, it will be written in the history books that only three words were exchanged between me and this child:
"Hi, black man."I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I turned around slowly to see a little boy, probably in kindergarten, wave at me.
"Whoa! You refer to me by my race, and then wave at me, like I'm supposed to wave back?!" I mean, yeah, I am black, but you don't call people by their skin color. So what did I do? In a strange mixture of defiance and bewilderment, I refused to wave back. That'll show him! I bet he'll remember that the next time he wants to call someone "black man" instead of "sir."
Ok, so I didn't use it as a moment to defy the blatant racism or to (God forbid) teach this kid that that's not how you acknowledge people, but I was in such a state of shock that he so innocently called a (black) spade a (black) spade.
Class dismissed!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Breakdown week
I had a week that had some fairly bad student breakdowns, which wasn't as fun as the other lighthearted posts.
Monday, I had a kindergarten class. Whenever kids run inside the classroom (which is all the freaking time), I ask the students to go back to where they were and walk next time. No biggie. Nothing too bad. But one kid, let's call him Carl, for some reason wouldn't do this. It was more than just, "No, I'm gonna run if I want to and there's nothing you can do about it!" He just would not listen at all. I had to get another teacher to come and get him and she had to literally pick him up and carry him out of the room. I have no idea what Carl's problem was.
And then, there was Tuesday. 3rd grade. This girl, we'll call her Amanda, was very disruptive and not paying attention in class at all. She decided to play around in class (and hit other students while she was at it). I told her (like I tell all elementary classes) that playing is for recess, and if they want to use my class time for recess, I will use their recess time for class. She didn't like that. Not. One. Bit. When I told her she had to sit out from recess, she reacted like I told her her parents had died and she had to go back to kindergarten as a result. While the class was walking to the playground, she threw herself on the ground and started crying and saying, "I hate my life!" Now, for those of you who don't know, recess is 15 minutes for kids to play. 15 minutes. This girl was freaking out over a quarter of an hour. And she was arguing with me and talking back on top of that. And, out of nowhere, she said that people treat her like she's "retarded." I never said, nor would I ever say, anything like that.* Finally, I told her that if she didn't listen that I was going to send her to the office. I gave her three seconds to comply with a request (to scoot over and make room for another student on the bench, of all things), which she refused to do, so I sent her to the alternative learning center for the rest of the day. On the way back from recess (this was obviously a very long 15 minutes), another student kept arguing with me, so I sent him too. I really hate it when students talk back.
Which brings me to Wednesday. Wednesday should have been a breeze. I had a 5th grade class with a student teacher. I got into the classroom and the student teacher said that her class was usually wonderful. I was very grateful for a reprieve from the madness that was Monday and Tuesday.
Until they told me another sub didn't show. So I was being moved to a 6th grade class, and I got to experience the second worst elementary class ever (the absolute worst I'll have to save for another post). This class also had a student teacher, but she did not have any control over these hooligans. I felt bad for her because she was getting observed, and I can't imagine she got a good grade.
When I first got to the class, the announcements were on and they were about to go to Spanish. On our way out, the student teacher tells me that there's a girl in the classroom, who we'll call Lisa, who refuses to listen to her because she's not the teacher. I go in and see that she's freaking out because someone stole her Spanish folder (read: she lost her Spanish folder), and as she storms out the room, she lets me and Ms. Student Teacher know that if she gets sent back, it's our fault. I tell her that I wasn't the one who lost her materials and she starts yelling at me, which earns her a trip to the office. I've never had to send someone to the office 3 minutes into class. Wow.
When they get back, I monitor the class while she "teaches" and Lisa comes back. The office said she's never acted like that and it was probably just a fluke, which I was willing to accept (not that I really had any choice). Lisa actually proves to be quite helpful for most of the remainder of the day. Another student, however (let's say his name is James), was inspired by Lisa and decided to take it to the next step. James was the dominant one of a pair of students, the submissive we'll call John. They went into another classroom where they were told they were not supposed to go, and instead of saying, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson, we will return to the classroom and behave like we should," James decided to argue with me about... really about a whole lot of stupid things that didn't concern him. And John just stood there. I told them to get back in the classroom, and James refused until I told him I'd call the office and have them send someone. And I hate that that's exactly what I had to do. John I think realized that it would be stupid to follow James in his bold defiance, because he came in and took his seat, which wasn't a very difficult task.
Fast forward to later when the student teacher had to leave and I took over the class for the rest of the day. Lisa asks if she can go to the bathroom. I say no because we came from lunch recess like 10 minutes prior. She started walking out despite not having permission, and I told her to sit down. She started yelling at me. I told her that she could go to the bathroom on her way to the office. She all of a sudden refused to go. Without the student teacher to call the office for me, and without the extension to the office, I had to talk to the teacher next door. While my back was turned to the class, they went nuts. The other teacher I was talking to saw it, and grabbed 2 of my students to take them to the office (neither of those students was a surprise).
So that was 4 students going to the office a total of 5 times in 6.5 hours. Granted, these were more blowups than breakdowns, but good gracious, what a terrible day (preceded by a pretty strange 2 days to say the least). At least the rest of the week was much better. I don't think I could've taken another day like that one.
Class Dismissed! (Thank God)
*While I am far from a doctor, this overreaction was, needless to say, inappropriate for a 3rd grader and did make me think that she had some kind of special needs.
Monday, I had a kindergarten class. Whenever kids run inside the classroom (which is all the freaking time), I ask the students to go back to where they were and walk next time. No biggie. Nothing too bad. But one kid, let's call him Carl, for some reason wouldn't do this. It was more than just, "No, I'm gonna run if I want to and there's nothing you can do about it!" He just would not listen at all. I had to get another teacher to come and get him and she had to literally pick him up and carry him out of the room. I have no idea what Carl's problem was.
And then, there was Tuesday. 3rd grade. This girl, we'll call her Amanda, was very disruptive and not paying attention in class at all. She decided to play around in class (and hit other students while she was at it). I told her (like I tell all elementary classes) that playing is for recess, and if they want to use my class time for recess, I will use their recess time for class. She didn't like that. Not. One. Bit. When I told her she had to sit out from recess, she reacted like I told her her parents had died and she had to go back to kindergarten as a result. While the class was walking to the playground, she threw herself on the ground and started crying and saying, "I hate my life!" Now, for those of you who don't know, recess is 15 minutes for kids to play. 15 minutes. This girl was freaking out over a quarter of an hour. And she was arguing with me and talking back on top of that. And, out of nowhere, she said that people treat her like she's "retarded." I never said, nor would I ever say, anything like that.* Finally, I told her that if she didn't listen that I was going to send her to the office. I gave her three seconds to comply with a request (to scoot over and make room for another student on the bench, of all things), which she refused to do, so I sent her to the alternative learning center for the rest of the day. On the way back from recess (this was obviously a very long 15 minutes), another student kept arguing with me, so I sent him too. I really hate it when students talk back.
Which brings me to Wednesday. Wednesday should have been a breeze. I had a 5th grade class with a student teacher. I got into the classroom and the student teacher said that her class was usually wonderful. I was very grateful for a reprieve from the madness that was Monday and Tuesday.
Until they told me another sub didn't show. So I was being moved to a 6th grade class, and I got to experience the second worst elementary class ever (the absolute worst I'll have to save for another post). This class also had a student teacher, but she did not have any control over these hooligans. I felt bad for her because she was getting observed, and I can't imagine she got a good grade.
When I first got to the class, the announcements were on and they were about to go to Spanish. On our way out, the student teacher tells me that there's a girl in the classroom, who we'll call Lisa, who refuses to listen to her because she's not the teacher. I go in and see that she's freaking out because someone stole her Spanish folder (read: she lost her Spanish folder), and as she storms out the room, she lets me and Ms. Student Teacher know that if she gets sent back, it's our fault. I tell her that I wasn't the one who lost her materials and she starts yelling at me, which earns her a trip to the office. I've never had to send someone to the office 3 minutes into class. Wow.
When they get back, I monitor the class while she "teaches" and Lisa comes back. The office said she's never acted like that and it was probably just a fluke, which I was willing to accept (not that I really had any choice). Lisa actually proves to be quite helpful for most of the remainder of the day. Another student, however (let's say his name is James), was inspired by Lisa and decided to take it to the next step. James was the dominant one of a pair of students, the submissive we'll call John. They went into another classroom where they were told they were not supposed to go, and instead of saying, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson, we will return to the classroom and behave like we should," James decided to argue with me about... really about a whole lot of stupid things that didn't concern him. And John just stood there. I told them to get back in the classroom, and James refused until I told him I'd call the office and have them send someone. And I hate that that's exactly what I had to do. John I think realized that it would be stupid to follow James in his bold defiance, because he came in and took his seat, which wasn't a very difficult task.
Fast forward to later when the student teacher had to leave and I took over the class for the rest of the day. Lisa asks if she can go to the bathroom. I say no because we came from lunch recess like 10 minutes prior. She started walking out despite not having permission, and I told her to sit down. She started yelling at me. I told her that she could go to the bathroom on her way to the office. She all of a sudden refused to go. Without the student teacher to call the office for me, and without the extension to the office, I had to talk to the teacher next door. While my back was turned to the class, they went nuts. The other teacher I was talking to saw it, and grabbed 2 of my students to take them to the office (neither of those students was a surprise).
So that was 4 students going to the office a total of 5 times in 6.5 hours. Granted, these were more blowups than breakdowns, but good gracious, what a terrible day (preceded by a pretty strange 2 days to say the least). At least the rest of the week was much better. I don't think I could've taken another day like that one.
Class Dismissed! (Thank God)
*While I am far from a doctor, this overreaction was, needless to say, inappropriate for a 3rd grader and did make me think that she had some kind of special needs.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Taking the Pup's Name in Vain
"Mr. J, Spencer* said, 'Oh, my,' and then 'dog' spelled backwards."
Unfortunately, blasphemy is not a punishable offense.
Class Dismissed!
*Names have been changed to protect the Pharisees.
Unfortunately, blasphemy is not a punishable offense.
Class Dismissed!
*Names have been changed to protect the Pharisees.
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