When dealing with elementary kids, I threaten to take away their recess, which to kids is like saying, "I'm going to give you bacon that tastes like lima beans."
This 3rd grade class just would not shut up (if you're a 3rd grade teacher or know a 3rd grader or own a 3rd grader, you know how this goes). So I told them that if they continued, I'd start taking minutes off their recess, doing my standard procedure.
This girl in the back didn't say anything, but the face she made said everything that needed to be said.
She made a face that said, "I know this fool ain't talking to us! Who does he think he is? Shoooot. He think he can take away our recess and get away with it. Substitutes be trippin'. Take away our recess, watch what's gone happen!"
It was precious.
Class dismissed!
Monday, April 29, 2013
It's not poisonous... anymore
A girl in my class today mentioned something stupid about liking cats.
Now, I would never run a cat over or put out Meow Mix laced with arsenic or dip a cat in honey and throw it at a bear... but I hate cats. It might stem from the fact that I'm deathly allergic to them and thus every single cat ever born is out to get me. It might stem from the fact that cats are evil. The jury's still out.
Anyway, this girl asked me if I liked cats, to which I responded, no, that's ridiculous, they're gross, do your social studies. She asked another student who said that he hates cats and that he has an aquarium. One with a blue frog.
Aside from my knowledge that cats are of Satan, I don't know much about animals. But I think I could possibly might have heard that blue frogs are poisonous. This student said that this particular type isn't poisonous.
Frog boy: "They stop being poisonous once you take them out of their natural environment."
Me: *confused look on face*
Cat girl: "That's like saying that once you take a dog out of the kennel, it's not going to bite you anymore."
Class dismissed!
Now, I would never run a cat over or put out Meow Mix laced with arsenic or dip a cat in honey and throw it at a bear... but I hate cats. It might stem from the fact that I'm deathly allergic to them and thus every single cat ever born is out to get me. It might stem from the fact that cats are evil. The jury's still out.
Anyway, this girl asked me if I liked cats, to which I responded, no, that's ridiculous, they're gross, do your social studies. She asked another student who said that he hates cats and that he has an aquarium. One with a blue frog.
Aside from my knowledge that cats are of Satan, I don't know much about animals. But I think I could possibly might have heard that blue frogs are poisonous. This student said that this particular type isn't poisonous.
Frog boy: "They stop being poisonous once you take them out of their natural environment."
Me: *confused look on face*
Cat girl: "That's like saying that once you take a dog out of the kennel, it's not going to bite you anymore."
Class dismissed!
Friday, April 12, 2013
It's no wonder
I had junior high math for the second day in a row. But this was at a different school and I had a student teacher, which means I hardly had to do anything. They were also taking a practice test for the NCLB test next week. This one was 25 questions. Not terribly easy, but you could definitely get the answers if you do the work (which most of the students didn't).
One of said students entered all his answers in, and the student teacher checked the answers. She told him he got 7 right. Out of 25. That's a 28%. She told him to look over a couple of the problems.
While he's looking, I hear him say, "How did I miss 16 questions?"
[facepalm]
It was all of a sudden clear to me how he only got 7 correct.
Class Dismissed!
One of said students entered all his answers in, and the student teacher checked the answers. She told him he got 7 right. Out of 25. That's a 28%. She told him to look over a couple of the problems.
While he's looking, I hear him say, "How did I miss 16 questions?"
[facepalm]
It was all of a sudden clear to me how he only got 7 correct.
Class Dismissed!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I don't get paid enough to care
The 7th graders today were prepping for their No Child Left Behind tests, which are happening next week. I let them know that though I would not be there to test them and though this was just a practice for the test, this was serious and I wanted complete silence and wanted it to look like they were actually taking this stupid, ridiculous, wholly unnecessary test. So they quiet down and most get to work answering the 12 questions. I know I'm a math guy, and I kinda know a lot stuff, but it was still really easy. The first question was "What does r represent?" If any student didn't know that it was radius, I would want to kick them in the neck (I've never done this, for the record).
One girl in my 7th (of 8) hour (it's not as bad as it sounds; 3rd hour I had lunch duty and 5th and 6th hour were prep, so it was just my fourth class of the day) I guess found the test too stressful or something and walked out. She just got up and walked out of the classroom. I asked the student next to her where she was going, and she said, "Well, it's kind of hard to explain. She just does that sometimes and Ms. Normal Teacher usually just calls security." I was thinking, "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!" and went outside to get her. I called to her, "Over Emotional Girl!"
She was crying in the arms of a friend, who I don't know, don't care to know, and why wasn't she in class? Friend mustered up the most attitude that she could and asked, "Can't you see she's crying?"
Read the title of this post.
I don't know if it was test anxiety or boyfriend problems or the realization that Harry Styles just doesn't know or care who she is. And frankly, I don't care. You don't get up in the middle of class--in the middle of a test--and leave.
Now, I might sound a bit harsh. But this girl, while she was in class, wasn't working, and when you get that enough, your sympathy level runs really low. I don't have the time, energy, or money to care for kids who don't care for their own grades. Especially when it's kids that I don't even know but for 50 minutes out of one day. It's not a good investment of my time.
So I tell Friend, "She's still can't just walk out of class." When Friend rolled her eyes, I could have called she-bears out of the woods to maul both of them, but I'm not that kind of a substitute. Some classmates grabbed Over Emotional Girl's stuff and took it to her, since this happened at the very end of class and the bell rang before she came back in. And that class was (praise the Lord!) over. I left a note for the teacher, like I do for every class. I wish I could be there to see the punishment that Over Emotional Girl got for this, but alas, that doesn't come with the job. I can only assume that Ms. Normal Teacher handled it well.
Until next time.
Class Dismissed!
One girl in my 7th (of 8) hour (it's not as bad as it sounds; 3rd hour I had lunch duty and 5th and 6th hour were prep, so it was just my fourth class of the day) I guess found the test too stressful or something and walked out. She just got up and walked out of the classroom. I asked the student next to her where she was going, and she said, "Well, it's kind of hard to explain. She just does that sometimes and Ms. Normal Teacher usually just calls security." I was thinking, "Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!" and went outside to get her. I called to her, "Over Emotional Girl!"
She was crying in the arms of a friend, who I don't know, don't care to know, and why wasn't she in class? Friend mustered up the most attitude that she could and asked, "Can't you see she's crying?"
Read the title of this post.
I don't know if it was test anxiety or boyfriend problems or the realization that Harry Styles just doesn't know or care who she is. And frankly, I don't care. You don't get up in the middle of class--in the middle of a test--and leave.
Now, I might sound a bit harsh. But this girl, while she was in class, wasn't working, and when you get that enough, your sympathy level runs really low. I don't have the time, energy, or money to care for kids who don't care for their own grades. Especially when it's kids that I don't even know but for 50 minutes out of one day. It's not a good investment of my time.
So I tell Friend, "She's still can't just walk out of class." When Friend rolled her eyes, I could have called she-bears out of the woods to maul both of them, but I'm not that kind of a substitute. Some classmates grabbed Over Emotional Girl's stuff and took it to her, since this happened at the very end of class and the bell rang before she came back in. And that class was (praise the Lord!) over. I left a note for the teacher, like I do for every class. I wish I could be there to see the punishment that Over Emotional Girl got for this, but alas, that doesn't come with the job. I can only assume that Ms. Normal Teacher handled it well.
Until next time.
Class Dismissed!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Breakdown week
I had a week that had some fairly bad student breakdowns, which wasn't as fun as the other lighthearted posts.
Monday, I had a kindergarten class. Whenever kids run inside the classroom (which is all the freaking time), I ask the students to go back to where they were and walk next time. No biggie. Nothing too bad. But one kid, let's call him Carl, for some reason wouldn't do this. It was more than just, "No, I'm gonna run if I want to and there's nothing you can do about it!" He just would not listen at all. I had to get another teacher to come and get him and she had to literally pick him up and carry him out of the room. I have no idea what Carl's problem was.
And then, there was Tuesday. 3rd grade. This girl, we'll call her Amanda, was very disruptive and not paying attention in class at all. She decided to play around in class (and hit other students while she was at it). I told her (like I tell all elementary classes) that playing is for recess, and if they want to use my class time for recess, I will use their recess time for class. She didn't like that. Not. One. Bit. When I told her she had to sit out from recess, she reacted like I told her her parents had died and she had to go back to kindergarten as a result. While the class was walking to the playground, she threw herself on the ground and started crying and saying, "I hate my life!" Now, for those of you who don't know, recess is 15 minutes for kids to play. 15 minutes. This girl was freaking out over a quarter of an hour. And she was arguing with me and talking back on top of that. And, out of nowhere, she said that people treat her like she's "retarded." I never said, nor would I ever say, anything like that.* Finally, I told her that if she didn't listen that I was going to send her to the office. I gave her three seconds to comply with a request (to scoot over and make room for another student on the bench, of all things), which she refused to do, so I sent her to the alternative learning center for the rest of the day. On the way back from recess (this was obviously a very long 15 minutes), another student kept arguing with me, so I sent him too. I really hate it when students talk back.
Which brings me to Wednesday. Wednesday should have been a breeze. I had a 5th grade class with a student teacher. I got into the classroom and the student teacher said that her class was usually wonderful. I was very grateful for a reprieve from the madness that was Monday and Tuesday.
Until they told me another sub didn't show. So I was being moved to a 6th grade class, and I got to experience the second worst elementary class ever (the absolute worst I'll have to save for another post). This class also had a student teacher, but she did not have any control over these hooligans. I felt bad for her because she was getting observed, and I can't imagine she got a good grade.
When I first got to the class, the announcements were on and they were about to go to Spanish. On our way out, the student teacher tells me that there's a girl in the classroom, who we'll call Lisa, who refuses to listen to her because she's not the teacher. I go in and see that she's freaking out because someone stole her Spanish folder (read: she lost her Spanish folder), and as she storms out the room, she lets me and Ms. Student Teacher know that if she gets sent back, it's our fault. I tell her that I wasn't the one who lost her materials and she starts yelling at me, which earns her a trip to the office. I've never had to send someone to the office 3 minutes into class. Wow.
When they get back, I monitor the class while she "teaches" and Lisa comes back. The office said she's never acted like that and it was probably just a fluke, which I was willing to accept (not that I really had any choice). Lisa actually proves to be quite helpful for most of the remainder of the day. Another student, however (let's say his name is James), was inspired by Lisa and decided to take it to the next step. James was the dominant one of a pair of students, the submissive we'll call John. They went into another classroom where they were told they were not supposed to go, and instead of saying, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson, we will return to the classroom and behave like we should," James decided to argue with me about... really about a whole lot of stupid things that didn't concern him. And John just stood there. I told them to get back in the classroom, and James refused until I told him I'd call the office and have them send someone. And I hate that that's exactly what I had to do. John I think realized that it would be stupid to follow James in his bold defiance, because he came in and took his seat, which wasn't a very difficult task.
Fast forward to later when the student teacher had to leave and I took over the class for the rest of the day. Lisa asks if she can go to the bathroom. I say no because we came from lunch recess like 10 minutes prior. She started walking out despite not having permission, and I told her to sit down. She started yelling at me. I told her that she could go to the bathroom on her way to the office. She all of a sudden refused to go. Without the student teacher to call the office for me, and without the extension to the office, I had to talk to the teacher next door. While my back was turned to the class, they went nuts. The other teacher I was talking to saw it, and grabbed 2 of my students to take them to the office (neither of those students was a surprise).
So that was 4 students going to the office a total of 5 times in 6.5 hours. Granted, these were more blowups than breakdowns, but good gracious, what a terrible day (preceded by a pretty strange 2 days to say the least). At least the rest of the week was much better. I don't think I could've taken another day like that one.
Class Dismissed! (Thank God)
*While I am far from a doctor, this overreaction was, needless to say, inappropriate for a 3rd grader and did make me think that she had some kind of special needs.
Monday, I had a kindergarten class. Whenever kids run inside the classroom (which is all the freaking time), I ask the students to go back to where they were and walk next time. No biggie. Nothing too bad. But one kid, let's call him Carl, for some reason wouldn't do this. It was more than just, "No, I'm gonna run if I want to and there's nothing you can do about it!" He just would not listen at all. I had to get another teacher to come and get him and she had to literally pick him up and carry him out of the room. I have no idea what Carl's problem was.
And then, there was Tuesday. 3rd grade. This girl, we'll call her Amanda, was very disruptive and not paying attention in class at all. She decided to play around in class (and hit other students while she was at it). I told her (like I tell all elementary classes) that playing is for recess, and if they want to use my class time for recess, I will use their recess time for class. She didn't like that. Not. One. Bit. When I told her she had to sit out from recess, she reacted like I told her her parents had died and she had to go back to kindergarten as a result. While the class was walking to the playground, she threw herself on the ground and started crying and saying, "I hate my life!" Now, for those of you who don't know, recess is 15 minutes for kids to play. 15 minutes. This girl was freaking out over a quarter of an hour. And she was arguing with me and talking back on top of that. And, out of nowhere, she said that people treat her like she's "retarded." I never said, nor would I ever say, anything like that.* Finally, I told her that if she didn't listen that I was going to send her to the office. I gave her three seconds to comply with a request (to scoot over and make room for another student on the bench, of all things), which she refused to do, so I sent her to the alternative learning center for the rest of the day. On the way back from recess (this was obviously a very long 15 minutes), another student kept arguing with me, so I sent him too. I really hate it when students talk back.
Which brings me to Wednesday. Wednesday should have been a breeze. I had a 5th grade class with a student teacher. I got into the classroom and the student teacher said that her class was usually wonderful. I was very grateful for a reprieve from the madness that was Monday and Tuesday.
Until they told me another sub didn't show. So I was being moved to a 6th grade class, and I got to experience the second worst elementary class ever (the absolute worst I'll have to save for another post). This class also had a student teacher, but she did not have any control over these hooligans. I felt bad for her because she was getting observed, and I can't imagine she got a good grade.
When I first got to the class, the announcements were on and they were about to go to Spanish. On our way out, the student teacher tells me that there's a girl in the classroom, who we'll call Lisa, who refuses to listen to her because she's not the teacher. I go in and see that she's freaking out because someone stole her Spanish folder (read: she lost her Spanish folder), and as she storms out the room, she lets me and Ms. Student Teacher know that if she gets sent back, it's our fault. I tell her that I wasn't the one who lost her materials and she starts yelling at me, which earns her a trip to the office. I've never had to send someone to the office 3 minutes into class. Wow.
When they get back, I monitor the class while she "teaches" and Lisa comes back. The office said she's never acted like that and it was probably just a fluke, which I was willing to accept (not that I really had any choice). Lisa actually proves to be quite helpful for most of the remainder of the day. Another student, however (let's say his name is James), was inspired by Lisa and decided to take it to the next step. James was the dominant one of a pair of students, the submissive we'll call John. They went into another classroom where they were told they were not supposed to go, and instead of saying, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jefferson, we will return to the classroom and behave like we should," James decided to argue with me about... really about a whole lot of stupid things that didn't concern him. And John just stood there. I told them to get back in the classroom, and James refused until I told him I'd call the office and have them send someone. And I hate that that's exactly what I had to do. John I think realized that it would be stupid to follow James in his bold defiance, because he came in and took his seat, which wasn't a very difficult task.
Fast forward to later when the student teacher had to leave and I took over the class for the rest of the day. Lisa asks if she can go to the bathroom. I say no because we came from lunch recess like 10 minutes prior. She started walking out despite not having permission, and I told her to sit down. She started yelling at me. I told her that she could go to the bathroom on her way to the office. She all of a sudden refused to go. Without the student teacher to call the office for me, and without the extension to the office, I had to talk to the teacher next door. While my back was turned to the class, they went nuts. The other teacher I was talking to saw it, and grabbed 2 of my students to take them to the office (neither of those students was a surprise).
So that was 4 students going to the office a total of 5 times in 6.5 hours. Granted, these were more blowups than breakdowns, but good gracious, what a terrible day (preceded by a pretty strange 2 days to say the least). At least the rest of the week was much better. I don't think I could've taken another day like that one.
Class Dismissed! (Thank God)
*While I am far from a doctor, this overreaction was, needless to say, inappropriate for a 3rd grader and did make me think that she had some kind of special needs.
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