I had a kindergarten class yesterday for a couple hours. It made me really appreciate those warriors on the front lines who teach these kids full time. Sometimes, they're accidentally hilarious. Like this guy, who I'll call A*:
A: What's your name?
Me: Mr. Jefferson
A: Are you married?
Me: No.
A: Then why are you "Mister"?
Me: Ugh....
This same kid also commented on the softness of the back of his teacher's hand, which I thought was kinda strange:
A: Ms. Teacher's hand is soft. Like a feather.
Me: O... kay?
A: Or chicken.
Me: Um, what?!
But for all the unintentionally funny things they say and do, there are the kids who just don't understand when I say, "Face forward," "Hands to yourself," "Please sit down on the rug," "Absolutely no talking," "Don't pick your nose," etc. And I'm of course saying each of these roughly a bajillion times, and mostly to the same 4 kids. This class had a couple special cases.
Like Isaac. I don't know his story, but the aide seemed to let him do his own thing while the rest of the class was practicing the letter M, so I let it be. Well, Isaac came back to his seat right when it was about time to go to Spanish. I told the class that it was time to go. This kid burst into tears because he didn't have time to finish. I mean, he was bawling. I wanted to bring up that he was playing for the past half hour, but I had to wrangle up the others who didn't understand that we were done.
But the one who really takes the cake is Nate. Nate was one of those kids who couldn't sit still if his life depended on it. I threatened to send him to the office if he didn't move his patootie to the rug (I of course didn't use such language). He was running/crawling around the room all the time. It was when I picked them up from music that I had had enough. He pushed another kid out of the line. So I said, "Okay, Nate, I'm taking you to the office." He ran around the music room until I and the music teacher (who was also a sub that day) cornered him. Then I had to carry him to the office. Let me repeat that. I had to carry a 5-year-old, who had kicked his shoes off and continued to kick while I carried him, through the hallway, with his class and other classes watching, to the office. When we got to the office, the principal said that I'd done a good job because they expected him an hour earlier. That's good, I guess?
Needless to say, I was relieved when these kids left the classroom I borrowed to go terrorize their homes.
Class dismissed!
*All names have been changed to protect the identities of these weirdos.
No comments:
Post a Comment